I’ve been contemplating this idea of non-attachment lately, and I’m realizing just how deeply it connects with perfectionism. When I’m reaching for things I’m attached to, namely an outcome, there is a standard that arises based on what I’ve learned in the past to be “worthy” of a “good grade.” If it’s good, it will be worthy, if it’s worthy, you will get what you think you want. But this cycle only leads to a perpetual roller coaster of reaching outside of ourselves to find ourselves (a losing game in itself), pushing beyond limits, acting for others in sacrifice of our own needs. When it comes down to it, we have zero control over situations, over the better part of our lives really. So a lot of the time, these outcomes have nothing to do with our conditioned perception of our “performance.” Yet, we push and we push, doing the same things, thinking we’ll yield different results if only we were _____.

Better

Smarter

Prettier

Thinner

Thicker

Taller

More patient

Anything OTHER than who we truly are.

The truth is… the cycle of this game must be broken and thrown to the waste side if we are ever to wake up to ourselves as powerful, autonomous individuals, and be capable of creating a society of a collective, peaceful, loving, thriving nature.

To break away from these societal standards of perfectionism is to choose your truth. When we stop looking outside of ourselves for how to do our hair or what career is best, we start to source those answers from much deeper, more powerful places. Sometimes, the non-attachment aspect falls into place. We simply don’t care for approval anymore because whatever we do is sourced from our own spark of joy, and then we watch it expire with love and acceptance, and onto the next spark we go. Granted, a lot of us actually DO need to practice this non-attachment side of things (myself included), given the society we’ve been conditioned into. “Buy this. Buy that. Buy these!”

Regardless, starting with perfectionism and breaking the standard is a good place to start.

Where in our lives are we acting from our past conditioning? Where are we acting for a future illusory need? How do these triggers shape our behavior to model what we’ve been taught in school, on television, in communities, on social media, etc.? I believe it’s really easy to unconsciously fall into these habits. I myself have been guilty of not acting on something until it was “perfect” by someone else’s standards.

Let’s be real though,

1.     Fuck that noise. Perfection is a lie.

2.     We can create our own individual language around our standards of substance and quality.

Perfection is a lie— driven by attachment and then awarded in our society. Again, this idea was created by someone somewhere (ehm, Edward Bernays, ehm, evil bastard, ehm) with the goal to keep us thinking we’re running forward in a line, when really we’re running in circles. Reaching for some higher, loftier, god-like standard is always going to be a losing game, because there will always be something better you could have done, because we are human! (And not to mention because there’s likely someone behind the scenes manipulating the situation, just trying to control you, sell you something…) We ARE perfect as these messy, beautiful, pastiches of love. There are always going to be dents. And I love my dents.

These days, especially in America, it’s paralyzing. Many people won’t even start the project because these standards are just too much. But what if we could just release the need to please this terrible cycle? What if we said no to the society that has held all of modern humanity in psychological chains for decades, a century, even? Branded our minds with thoughts that aren’t even ours... What if we broke away from perfectionism by just fucking rooting to our purpose and doing whatever the fuck we want from THAT place?

Because life is too short NOT to. Because we’re too unique not to share our gifts, ALL of them. Because the world would be better for it. Because I feel in my heart called to do this or that thing. Because… no explanation needed. Just because. How about a world wherein people create and exist from THAT standard? Individual standards rooted in the reality of our individual true nature. Sign me up.

We can create our own individual language around our standards of substance and quality— and this takes practice. It takes cultivated practices. It takes knowing ourselves, our triggers, our niches. It takes a lot of time and effort. Where do we begin? Again, I go back to not just society’s standards, but the overall setup of our society used to maintain this dysfunction. It starts with collective shifts. Individuals waking up to themselves in supportive communities (which we cannot create enough of), because we need each other to wake up, but we also need to wake up to have the capacity to be with each other. So we begin by doing the work to heal, to face our deepest selves, to heal our bodies, to recalibrate our minds, to repurpose our souls. And somewhere in that process, somewhere between yoga nidra and therapy, between that hike the other day and this phone call with my mom, between the mundane and the awe inspiring, it hits us.

Who we truly are, what we truly want and how we create it just comes to us through the process and practice of being truly alive. It’s an endless evolution, but we become more and more attuned to our needs, less and less burdened by the amount of energy needed to embody ourselves, because how could we accept ourselves any other way? Somewhere within this, our individuality blossoms, our intuition heightens with it, and these new standards are extra pedals on this brilliant flower.

Aaaand that’s as far as I’ve gotten with this. I’d say I’m now landed in this phase of my process, and it feels expansive. Perhaps I’ll have more to say in another couple years…

But I can say this. I preach the feminine way all the time. And in this case it works well. If we can sit within ourselves, sourcing our happiness and truth from within, remaining grounded despite the pull of the illusory world around us… we may just get what we want after all. And it has nothing to do with how we perform, but WHY we do it, and where our outward expressions come from. At that point, what we want and who we are might just be one in the same.