I Feel the Music in Me
Aside from a few 16 bar cuts in audition rooms, (which is not singing; it's merely a moment of what could be singing) I haven't had music in my life lately... I should rephrase that... I haven't had singing in my life lately. Most of my life was filled with voice lessons, music rehearsals, musical theatre class, performances, performance exams, day in and day out. Last September that all kind of changed and I haven't done that much in the way of singing since then. My singing has been scarce, if that. Don't get me wrong, music is always there, but it's different now. I've become a listener, a watcher, an audience member, and I've had some time to take it in without the pressure of having to perform. But singing is a part of my soul, and I haven't been fulfilling my soul lately. Until this weekend.
Back in college, my downstairs neighbor had this amazing blues rock band, and I was basically their stay at home groupie. One of the guitarists, Julian Harris (remember that name), is still here in Boston, and I run into him periodically and we reminisce. Finally, we made plans to get together and make some music on Saturday. We had a simple setup, my condenser mic, his guitar, his base, and Logic pro, and we recorded a track. Okay, so it was just a cover of a song, but it was quite empowering to take someone else's music and make it my own, to collaborate, instruments and all. Julian laid down a guitar track and a base line, added in some drums from the computer and I just sang. It was awesome!!! There will be much more of this to come and I might even post a recording up here on my website. We'll see. The point is that this experience fulfilled my soul in a way that I just haven't before. I got to sing one of my favorite genres, blues rock n' roll (believe it or not), with no expectations, just us and the music. It was a new way to reopen the door to my singing. I mean, I improvised! After I got past the fear of not knowing what would come out of my mouth next, I just let go and lost control in the best way. It was so freeing and deeply satisfying to allow my voice to take me somewhere. I'm going to do it more often. Thanks Julian.
But it didn't stop there. On Sunday I got to practice yoga with one of my favorite teachers, Raghunath Cappo. I don't know which is better, listening to the guy talk or listening to him sing Kirtan. Well, he did both. And then I sang with him. Actually, the entire class did. There's just something about a room full of yogis singing with love, devotion, and the desire to be happy, to better themselves. It's a beautiful experience that everyone, singer or not, should have. It's not about technique or talent at all, but rather about the intention behind it, the love, the community. It lifts up the spirit and opens you up to the possibilities of your day, your life, the universe.
Raghunath and his harmonium.
A few of us after class with Raghunath.
He told us to sing for the camera.
In a lot of yoga classes these days, we're so focused on the physical practice, the asana, but singing Kirtan is just as much yoga as downward dog is. I wish there was more of it in the classes I take, but I'm just glad I had the exposure this weekend. Now I'm inspired to sing more, to sing to my classes, to sing with my classes, and to explore the realms of Kirtan I didn't even think about before. Thanks Raghunath. (I'm excited to hike and sing some more with him next weekend!)
Finally, I made it to the unbelievable Tony Awards. Okay, so I wasn't singing at them and I wasn't attending either. I was in pajamas eating fish tacos on my couch with my boyfriend, but in my mind I was totally there. I spent the entire show projecting my hopes and dreams back on to the screen. This epic night at the Tony's reinforced my belief that I can do anything. It was inspiring, truthful, and diverse on so many levels. If all the nominees and winners can achieve what they have, overcoming so many odds, then so can I. The show was a beautiful representation of what the theatre can be, and I'm excited to continue chasing my dreams within it.
As the lyrics from what I consider the greatest performance of the night go, "I'm beautiful and I'm here."
Maybe it was meant to be that I sang my heart out on a weekend when such a tragedy happened. This is a weird tidbit, but maybe music really is meant to lift us up in hard times. Singing has always gotten me through rough times and made the good times even better. Whatever its role in our lives, I know it's a large part of my purpose. And I'm ready to start cultivating it once again. It's amazing what can happen in one weekend.