Suddenly, it's the end of 2016. It's been a big year. It's been a packed three months. I moved to New York City, started a show, got a new apartment, joined a new yoga studio, made new friends, got new jobs, had my three year anniversary with Anthony, elected a new president (not getting into that), travelled to Boston many a time, and now here I sit on a train once again back to NYC only to jump on a plane to Miami to see my family, to celebrate, to be loved even more. 

I know I've said this many times before, but time flies. The difference now is that my space and my time has been so jam packed lately that I felt it condensing. I felt so claustrophobic, aching for a break, aching to spread my arms out wide without worrying about hitting anyone, desperately needing some alone time and space to just do whatever the fuck I want! 

I love my new apartment, but let's just say that my room is not the most spacious. So I spent the last two weeks in a big apartment in Boston, and now I feel spoiled with space. I guess the point is I now have perspective and can appreciate what little space I do have in NYC. I actually miss my room... it's my baby, so to speak. I worked really hard on it to make it cozy and mine. 

When it comes to time, I just thought I had a lack of time in general. My stress tends to translate into scheduling and calendars and writing things down, so that's what I did. I spent the last three months overdoing it, trying to fit every little thing into each day, time to get ready, time to sleep, time for myself, time for dance class, yoga class, acting class, time to cook, time to clean, time for travel, only to learn it's impossible, stressful and unenjoyable. I would get frustrated I couldn't do it all and blame it on my obligations. After much turmoil and beating myself up about it, I spent some time learning to undo those habits. Now I'm okay when something I planned doesn't get done, I just want more sleep, or maybe I want to watch an episode of something. I can accept my responsibilities and the fact that there are only so many hours in a day. It's healthier for me to be flexible and to accept that I'm just human. I can only have so many days on before I need a day off. These last two weeks in Boston couldn't have been more helpful in that department. My boyfriend is so relaxed about time. He always gets everything done, doesn't stress, and still seems to have endless time leftover. We went on walks, we worked out, we slept, we both worked jobs, we cooked, we went out, we did it all. It was so wonderful and productive, but also so relaxing and easy. We had all the time in the world, yet time flew because it was so wonderful.  

Another space issue I was having was with work. I completely took for granted being alone until I had to be with people. These are wonderful people who I love very much, but even so it's hard to be social when you're not. You feel rude and out of place if you don't talk and you say stupid, offensive shit when you finally do decide to talk. I struggled with this. I struggled with traveling in a group, people being everywhere at work, not one place you can be alone unless maybe you're pooping. I guess now that I've had a break from it I actually miss those people and I feel lucky to have a job. Also, it's good to work on things you're not good at. I've learned a lot about interacting with people, being diplomatic, and what not to say. Hey, I'm only human.

Back to time... I've been trying to find time to write this blog for two months or so. I'm sure I could've found it, but maybe I didn't because I was learning these lessons instead. Take more time doing one thing well rather than squeezing in a bunch of activities, possibly sacrificing quality for quantity. 

There is one concept in my life that I rediscovered has no need for time or space, it can be practiced in any space or lack of space, in any amount of time long or short, and that's yoga. It's a beautiful thing. Yoga is so powerful that even a minute of movement or meditation can do the trick, bring me back to the present moment. Then there are those luxurious days when I get to spend more than two hours in a workshop. Those days are honestly just as powerful as one minute or one conscious breath. I think it's because the yoga stays with me at this point. Yoga is yoga, long or short, big or small. When it comes to space, all I need is the space my body fills up. Even though I'm extending body parts in different directions, inward and outward, the space is truly made within. The movement opens up the body and settles the mind, but at the end of the day, it's really freeing up the breath. And that is the most expansive feeling of all. I don't care how juicy and open my hips can get, it will never beat the calm I feel when I can breath so deeply and enjoy each breath to the fullest.

Now that, in my opinion, is the best way to use your space and spend your time.